back for more

Some things never change. Like my sleeping patterns. And on a more annual scale, it didn't rain like hell after July 4th. After a long one-year war with life obligations and school related stuff, I find myself grasping for an anchor to sanity during an intense summer session of classes and work.

As the assignments and responsibilities pile up and the stress builds, I realize that the past year has all but extinguished my most beloved hobby. The Gundam I started two years ago hasn't been touched since late August of last year. Though my current lingering on the internet isn't helping my work situation, I thought I'd spend some time in the wee hours of the morning to reflect on my abandonment of a past declaration about sticking to the past-times one holds dear.

I guess the flow of life caught me like it catches most people on the verge of adulthood. Even though I didn't expect it nor was I prepared for it, college really ramps up the intensity in its final years - so much so that I must have hacked off a good five years of my lifespan trying to keep my head above the water amidst the procrastinating and chasing of instant gratification. It has greatly diminished certain hobbies (like gaming) and all but destroyed others (like Gundams and figure collecting).

During a discussion with a friend currently in Hong Kong about which Gundam model(s) I'd like brought back for me, I suddenly realized that this hobby is still a part of me and that it isn't just me who thinks so. All of a sudden I remember the smell of enamel paint and thinner fumes, the feeling of joy when a model is completed and the intensity of the build process. I can't help but feel I've been constantly missing something integral and that I've got no one to blame but myself for not making time for it. This is a declaration to myself to end the cycle of procrastination and self-torture. As hypocritical as it is to be writing this out on the internet at 2:30AM while I got loads of schoolwork left to do, I can't take good photos for my class in the middle of the night.

Never lose sight of what you love and what you hold dear to you, as these are the tiny things in life that make you who you are. They give your life that extra touch of color (in the case of Gundam painting, quite literally) that allow you to get through the most trying times when you least expect it. Those thirty or so unbuilt Gundams in my closet? Time to make time to get to it.

Til' next time - hopefully it won't be another year from now.